Pop-a-Pill

One day I will just grow up and either 1) learn how to swallow a dang pill or 2) learn that I will never be able to swallow a dang pill

The funny thing is: I can down 4 IBprofins whenEVER I want. All at the same time. Give me 4, they're gone.
Give me one gel capsule of NyQuill to help me sleep? nope. I end up chugging about 8 gallons of water, and that stupid blue pill stays stuck to the roof of my mouth. Then I have to go to the bathroom 9,000 times during the night. So much for helping me sleep.


So I came up with a plan to assist those struggling with pill swallowing:

Step 1: open pill packaging--try to take less than 18 minutes to puncture the seal

Step 2: drop pill in glass of water--the less water the better, because then your mixture is more potent

Step 3: realize that the pill will never actually dissolve in a glass of water before midnight (because it IS midnight), so come up with a new brilliant plan

Step 4: Reach into the glass of water, push on the pill with your finger to test for squishy-ness. If not squishy, put it back in the glass of water where it won't do anything. If squishy, proceed to puncture the pill with your fingernail--releasing all the goopy blue liquid into the water.
(Realize: the water won't turn blue from the nyquill)

Step 5: take the whole glass of water into the bathroom, holding the pill in your left hand with the glass below it in the right, rinse the pill over the glass to collect all the blue liquid you can. Discard squishy pill shell in the trashcan.

Step 6: Enjoy your newly mixed drink. When attempting to swallow, it is suggested that you swallow before you taste the liquid.
Warning: Drinking this mixture can lead to vomiting.